It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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