Can i not drive my cunt home
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm getting married
To pizza
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
