Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
