at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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