theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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