I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
