I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
