I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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