Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
