That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
