Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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