im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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