i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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