Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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