Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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