Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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