My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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