She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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