It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
