Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
