how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
