Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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