it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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