You made me cry and you don't even care
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
