OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
