Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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