i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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