after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
