my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
