I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
