Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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