google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
