I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
