You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
