I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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