Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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