you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
