a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
