At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
