you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
