I think I am morally bankrupt
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
