time to smoke my breakfast
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
