When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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