HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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