He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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