you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
