plz talk dirty to me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
