I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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