I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
