Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
