I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
