My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
